I look ahead, and the finish line for this intense chemotherapy event is on the horizon. You keep cheering me on; God continues to hold my hand. I am so grateful for every bit of support. Thank you for being there...because this past week was the hardest week so far, next to Christmas week. I am enjoying the birds at the feeder though. They give me hope for better days.
If you need a mental image of what I am feeling, ponder the cross country skiing in the Olympics. Each skier came over the hill above the finish line. With their ski poles digging into the snow, they kept on keeping on, one stroke at a time. The end was in sight.
Huffing and puffing and pushing themselves to finish, each winning skier found a spark deep inside that inspired their 'never give up' determination. And once they crossed the finish line, they collapsed in the snow, having given their sport every bit of energy and muscle they could muster. They wanted a win and drove themselves to finish. What an accomplishment! Each one earned my admiration.
I have been feeling very weak. It is an effort to do almost anything. My breathing is labored. My fingers and toes still hurt. My eyes and nose run continuously; my appetite is so-so. I am totally fatigued. And I'm struggling with that voodoo doll feeling where someone 'out there' is stabbing 'my doll' with pins and making me twitch. Nurses tell me that is a side effect of the Benadryl. And I'm thinking no Olympic skier had to manage all that!
So as I tackle my last infusion tomorrow, pray with me that this coming week is not as difficult as last. And hang in there as I go through the 'withdrawal' to the toxic drugs in my system. It's not over yet. I focus on the daffodils, tulips, hyacinths and crocuses that are peeking through the ground. By the time they are in full bloom, perhaps I will be recovering my spark as well.
One thing that will definitely help is having my bad tooth removed. Finally, I am on an antibiotic for that, but am told that I still have to wait a few more weeks for an extraction.
That tooth makes my head hurt constantly. But I'm hopeful. I meet with the oncologist tomorrow morning before my last infusion, and I plan to plead with him that he give his permission for an earlier extraction. It could certainly help me cruise into that finish line...and then I will collapse in winner mode with grace and ease...ready to face the surgery and possible radiation ahead. One step at a time.
Signing out in Olympic style, The quilting cancer girl
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