First, everyone has a story to tell. It does not matter whether an individual is a patient, a doctor or a nurse. It does not matter if they quilt or sew garments or make purses. As long as that person is relating to me, I am confident he or she has a story to tell. I just need to figure out how to get them to open the door.
With this reality in mind, every single time I encounter a technician who connects me to a machine, or a nurse who guides me through painful news, I ask a few questions because I want to make certain they are well trained and investing in me: "So do you like your job? Do you look forward to coming to work everyday?" And of my doctors, after those questions trigger discussion, I ask: "In my situation, what would you advise your mother to do?"
You see, I thoroughly believe that while they are experts, they are still human, just like you and me. Along their life path, they chose their special field so that God could heal and love and care for us all. They are the angels among us who take our hand and lead us through the bad news and the good. And I tell them my viewpoint so they each know how much I value them and their guidance. In the end, we connect and life is good. (I do the same in my quilting classes, ladies. Be prepared! LOL)
Second, talking about feelings helps me stay positive. I am very aware that those who share their mad, sad, glad, and happy feelings help heal themselves. We as patients (or as quilters) frequently find ourselves in tears, or angry, or depressed. Does a world of good to talk to our supporters (quilting friends) about those feelings because then we are not carrying them alone.
For many years, I found it difficult to cry. Then I entered menopause and cried over McDonald's commercials or Budweiser Draft Horse ads. Weird? Yup. And suddenly I had a hysterectomy and could cry over my divorce after 25 years and how I did not believe I had been a good mom and the science teacher who gave boys in the class preferential treatment over girls and the pets I had to bury over a lifetime and the four patch I sewed and 'un-sewed' incorrectly four whole times, and...my list was long.
Fact is those tears cleanse my soul and help me forgive past grievances. They help me heal and connect with others (and my quilts) in happiness and joy. If we do not share that gambit of feelings, the feelings fester. They damage the bodily house we live in. Gradually our heating and cooling and plumbing and mother board systems cannot function. Sometimes the festering suffocates us and lets cancer sneak in or creates some other life threatening issue.
I have a poem from Jenny Lou Ernst that I have referred to for many years. It's easy to remember. You might grab it and put it on the refrigerator, or your sewing machine. Goes like this:
I can reveal the way that I feel,
By the things I say and do.
Changing the things I say and do,
I can change my feelings too.
Here's an illustration. Man and wife are fighting over their financial situation. Doorbell rings. Mom answers the door with, "My goodness. It's good to see you. Come on in." Changing what she said very simply helped her hook into a more positive stance. It is possible. I know you have done it. When it becomes conscious, however, then we can more consistently choose our own positive path.
Finally, having a belief system is extremely helpful. Whatever you do, find your way into some all encompassing belief system that can sustain you - fully sustain you - when the going gets rough. Many of us in my cancer world (and non cancer world) are invested in developing a strong relationship with God. We are realizing how much we need to balance our emotional, physical and spiritual self.
I have always known that God was there for me. Started that as a child when my mom read us the book, If Jesus Came to My House by Joan Gale Thomas. Actually molded my approach to life. (Yes. I make sure my grandchildren all have a copy.)
And now, strangely, I would not miss this cancer experience for the world. Cancer is an opportunity to deeply strengthen a more mature relationship with God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit. With gratitude - sometimes with pleading and desperation for peace to handle what lies ahead - we talk. It is helping me reaffirm my faith and the goodness I see in people. I do morning devotions, meditation and prayers very aware that God is loving me and one way or the other, everything will be okay.
Signing off, The Quilting Cancer Girl
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